009: Between the downbeat

I cannot beat myself up for the lack of writing. I can only admit to myself that consistent writing takes time, practice, and planning. I’ve not allotted those key aspects in my growth, so here go my typing fingers to take a step in that direction.

I’ve been listening to a customized Japanese pop and rock song list to practice for karaoke in Seattle at The Rockbox with friends, as well as getting my ear familiar with the song style. So far it works halfway – I actually learn the song best by writing it down. This is due to simply not knowing the kanji meanings (not all the songs will have furigana for singing along). I’ve also come to accept my range is significantly lower than what’s in my head. I can sing L’arc~en~ciel without hiccup, but Utada Hikaru will never be in my range (most of her songs have a wide range used, and I’m not as much as an alto as I used to be). This is something I’m doing for myself. Music drives much of my mood when I’m not reading or doing work. English song lyrics are so pretentious that I cannot listen for too long. Its really just another way for me to study Japanese.

Tarot classes have been sporadic, at best. The higher up the level, the more infrequent they are while the teacher focuses on the core lower level classes (most people take the basic course). I’ve been working on the weekend courses focusing on a specific Major Arcana card, but I also picked up a copy of The Spoken Cabala: Tarot Explorations of the One Self for another perspective. If you’re looking for an advanced level companion for self study, I highly recommend it -do take it one card at a time, as the author goes into great depth behind each card.

Adventures in tea have been dwindling. Currently, I am drinking genmaicha due to the common cold I got from my trip to LA (from 100 degree weather to 60 degrees in Seattle within a day? Yeah, you’d catch a cold too). While in Hollywood, I stopped by The Chado Tea Room, thinking I’d just pick up a tea to go. It does full service tea, tea time, and loose leaf tea sales. As soon as I acquire my own lodgings, I see myself obtaining several custom teas from their establishment. I enjoyed the experience, food, and tea.

I’ve done a few #inktober drawings on my Instagram, missing a few days (such as the last 3). But that’s ok. Life happens. Again, time and commitment. I need my sleep when I’m not well.

Today was spent looking at a couple of apartments within the complex my friend lives at, and while I love the facility and amenities it provides as a luxury complex, I think I’m going to hold back this time around. One of the big reasons is the studio is too small for my needs. I want to be able to work from home, but then go to bed in a space separate from where I work. While currently living at my parents’ home, as much as I want to work from here (I’d have to see if I can acquire FiOs for a steady connection as a call center telecommuter), it’d still violate that rule. Granted, another factor IS money – I just have too much outstanding debts in terms of my student loans. As soon as my credit cards are zero-balanced, all my funds will go to paying off my college debt so I can move forward with my life. I shouldn’t have to owe anything to anyone but myself, so I want that pendulum currently swinging over my head to be gone. GONE. 

I attended Geek Girl Con for the first time this weekend. I went to panels, shopped local vendors, and picked up books from the recommended reading list (#GGCLit – http://ggclibrarians.weebly.com) at B&N (because proceeds of the profits will actually go back to Geek Girl Con!), and met many happy friends both volunteering for the con and attending like myself. It was a very exciting yet low-key event, with amazing cosplayers and acceptance of all those present. For someone like me, it wasn’t overwhelming but definitely something I could see myself taking my younger cousins (boys and girls) to -unless I end up being an Agent volunteer. We shall see!

And on that note, I think I will wrap it up. The high energy music begs me to finish laundry, vacuum, and do a Tarot reading to end the night.

Thanks for your time.

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0007: Incapacitated

I had a migraine today. Migraines are not pleasant, and mine have progressed in severity over the years. Prior to working a desk job, I did not have them. I’d get your normal headache, take 2 OTC pills, drink water, and look at the computer less. Now it is a tightening in the neck, the glare of sunlight, this twitch that just flipped my mind to breakdown and let the pain commence. It is a surreal feeling.

I’ve grown to appreciate my work and the growth it has shown me while at the call center, but being away from my work was bittersweet. Bitter to have an unscheduled day. Sweet to not speak. Bitter to be in pain. Sweet to let my body do its own healing (I cannot take more than your generic migraine pain medicine -the pain will be so great that I will throw up; I’ve learned to not eat while having an episode). So, as with all things in life, it was a balanced experience.

I’m very grateful to be a part of a team that understands the humanity we all bring to our work environment. If you cannot work, don’t push it. What’s the point in overexerting yourself? You’ll cause errors. You’ll have a negative attitude. Others around you notice it too (I was in a low mood the day before and apparently I’ve set my own bar too high -I was told to smile more [may have to do another blog on that concept] and, well, am I not allowed to just reserve those positive smiles when appropriate?). Stress is a trigger for my migraines; so is feeling very high-blood pressured in the head. The illnesses are connected to other dots. I see them. I suspect the recent changes to my lifestyle was a big shift for the pain (consciously walking more to train up for PAX, lack of soda and sugars and other junk) and that’s why I see the grace in it.

Since I got so much sleep throughout the day, I’m still off. Here’s to a quick nap so I can hop right back into my groove. I hope you are all having a lovely time in the life.

Cheers.

Ground 0: Waking Up

I’ve had this idea for a few months now, this domain and my ideals, all lumped in one place. I’ve been spread thin for far too long. I don’t know where I belong. I have a myriad collection of sites and media I utilize, but I don’t feel invested in the long term, at all.

Just naming some places I’ve been dreaming the last few years:

  • livejournal
  • facebook
  • twitter (multiple “identities”)
  • instagram
  • tumblr
  • deviantart
  • delicious
  • wordpress
  • journal sites that are now defunct
  • ello
  • various forums

So I don’t know how to connect and utilize them to my advantage. My advantage, I mean, feeling less like a consumer and more like a creator. Ultimately, I want to be able to create and share and add value to the lives I encounter. It’s not an ego thing. I’m just a very giving person. I do want to find ways to survive, but more importantly, I want to thrive in this life and see others do the same. I guess I have to thank my family for those ideals -never giving up on others even if we see that their life patterns aren’t matching our own ideals, always welcoming people last minute to dinner and parties to connect, and overall being present and supportive to those that matter to us.

So here is to ground zero. I’ll transfer some of my ideas that I’ve already put up on another platform and come to utilize a website that can help me get connected to the world around me.

Cheers! Time to stretch and explore!